2. 12 P'tits Morceaux de Sagesse

1. Be promiscuous with landlords. Lead them on, pledge your fidelity far and wide. Fuck with ‘em before they fuck with you. You're not trapped until you've signed a contract...

2. Make yourself a carte metropole ASAP. It's free to create, you can top it up like an oyster card, or you can pay €21 for a month of travel on buses and the metro. A return ticket for the bus to Aix is €10 without it, so you've virtually made your money back in 2 days. Nice.

3. This is particularly pertinent for me because I'm impressively ignorant of both geography and global politics... but remember where the people you're talking to are from. I keep whining about this Brexit nonsense to people who live in indisputably corrupt, undemocratic countries. I also keep dropping the North when I talk about Americans from the USA. I keep making insensitive cultural faux pas and I really have a lot lot to learn... (Sorry, that's more of a confession than advice... guess I must be cleansed.)

4. Stick to befriending foreigners. I tried to chat to the British people at our English language university induction and my sole yield was some nightmare flashbacks to Bristol. Zero new camarades. I then found a rogue Italian and we got on much better, thank the little baby Jesus. 

5. It's not exactly following because they just stroll right next to you, but if you're walking home at night you can expect a man to try and convince you to have a drink with him. I really don't know what's best to do: totally ignore them, smile and tell them to leave you alone or just chat until you get home. I've tried all three, sometimes in a row. I have no conclusive wisdom to proffer, sorry. However, I wanted to share my most successful shirking thus far, which occurred when a man wouldn't leave me alone en route to meet my Couchsurfing dude to get his key. He was at a party with a bunch of Argentinians I didn't know so I invited my Follower (disciple) into the part(a)y; then I got the key and left. He was trapped with a bunch of Argentinians and I'm fairly sure he didn't speak Spanish. Adios bye bye! :3

6. Run out of data from overusing Ye Googley Maps? Not need to panic, for Eduroam is the gift that keeps giving. And heureusement, unexpected university buildings pop up all around Marseille. Also asking how different European tongues pronounce Eduroam is a (riveting...) talking point.

7. People don't eat anywhere. As I type this I'm sitting in a bus. It is a half an hour journey, we set off at 12:50... ERGO fantastic opportunity to combine two things I've got to do: sit still for half an hour, and ingurgitate some grub... it's just efficient. Alas, not a sandwich nor salad in sight. I must delay my déjeuner.

8. There are no public toilets in Marseille and every McDonalds has a code on the toilet door (capitalist bastards). If you know me well or, frankly, even if we're distant acquaintances, chances are you have witnessed me urinate al fresco. I'm not a public menace, or a rebel without a cause; I just have a really small bladder. Happily in England there is usually some sort of conspicuous driveway or alley tailor-made for this sort of unhygienic outdoor activity. The same cannot be said of Marseille. Peeing in public (as a -Lady-) (if the whole discussion of my small bladder hasn't stripped me of that title) is presque impossible; there are simply no convenient caverns.

Pourtant, this doesn't stop the city absolutely reeking of piss, which, à mon (humble) avis demonstrates that this dire situation is a feminist issue... I've seen men pissing all over the bloody shop(s). 
The lack of nooks and crannies in this city disgusts me... so does the smell of wee :(

9. Fip is a great radio station for music. And it may be a bit bait (xo) but I've been listening to (well, putting on) France Info in the hope that I'll absorb some infos actuelles as I fais my cuisine etc.... But franchement it does impress me quite how effectively I can block out background noise if it's in French.

10. Living in Marseille kinda does fait chier if you study languages. All humanities are taught in the EGGER building in Aix, which is nice because everything's in one place and you bump into people you know, but also means you have to commute 4 days a week... For me, it's unquestionably worth it. As I may have mentioned, I fucking love Marseille. However, if you don't mind living in a smaller city where everything is overpriced and the demographic range is (compared to Marseille) zilch, then you will have a much easier journey to school. I have learnt from being late every day of my first week that I need to allow an hour and a half for the journey there. Coming home is much quicker, however.

11. After so much (stressed rather than meditative) reflection, I can conclude that one should not go for le student housing. It is soo much cheaper and soo much less stressful to get, but it's also really merdey and most people I know who are in it want to leave. You can apply for CAF to make living out much more abordable and, du coup, you can live in a Real Life logement like a Real Life Person. Good times.

12. Finally: nil bastardi carborundum. I’m really trying not to let this blog become corny inspirational/motivational advice, or turn into some badly-disguised, solipsistic psychoanalysis... but something I am trying to force myself to do is accept that I take up space, that I will take up people’s time and this will make me feel like a cretin but is also just necessary. I am desensitising to embarrassment but it's a slow process and I often feel like crying. 

(What a sad note to end on, I'll leave you with a lovely plage pic instead. Overall I am still having a good time - worry not, teehee x)